IBS and bullying

The IBS Interrupt™ Perspective: This post explores how bullying can keep your nervous system in a constant state of alert, and drive chronic IBS symptoms.
The Hidden Connection: Bullying – whether from a school peer, a critical parent, a sibling, or a toxic boss – undermines your sense of safety and triggers gut reactivity.
The Shift: Realising that sudden flares (especially diarrhea) are often your system’s urge to “run from humiliation” or escape a perceived threat.
Key Takeaway: Interrupting stress reactivity to safely reverse your IBS is the core of my 3-step IBS Interrupt™ Process.

The Effects of Bullying and IBS

You may never have made the link between IBS and bullying, but there often is one.

Bullying can leave a seemingly indelible imprint on your health, your well-being and your success in life. But know that this can be turned around.

The last section of this article is of particular importance, so don’t miss it.

Bullying and IBS

While not all IBS sufferers have had the experience of bullying, many have.

Sometimes the bullying is about IBS symptoms themselves. But the bullying may have started a long time before the symptoms ever manifested.

At school. At home. Or elsewhere.

If you think back you will sorely remember when others were not kind to you.

Parental Bullying and IBS

We don’t often think of parents bullying their children. It sounds odd, especially if they wanted a family.

And yet…

Many people do not see this kind of insiduous bullying. It may have going on from generation to generation disguised as “good parenting“.

And children can think that having parents that very regularly criticise, undermine, and shame them is normal.

If just one parent is the bully, it can feel so unfair if the other parent doesn’t step in and stop the behaviour. It can leave you feeling unsupported, unprotected and open to attack.

Maybe you were the “black sheep” of the family?

Was there was a narcissist pushing you around, putting YOU down so they could feel superior?

Maybe you reminded one of your parents or caregivers of someone that triggered them?

Unfortunately it can even be grandparents that bully or mistreat a child.

Sibling bullying

You may have experienced bullying from other family members, like brothers and sisters.

If parents don’t step in and stop this, it can become an ongoing problem – and a living hell.

You can feel that you are left without protection from those who should be there for you.

This can undermine your sense of safety in your “clan” and in the outside world.

A family history of being targeted

A visceral fear of being targeted can be passed down from one generation to another – especially if the targeting threatened their survival.

Has anyone in your family (your parents, grandparents, or known ancestors) experienced discrimination, exile, the threat of annihilation, or targeting of any kind? (Think about any wars or political regimes they lived through, or minorities they were a part of.)

If so, you may have taken on or “inherited” that survival fear and be experiencing it – without realising why.

How do you know if you have been subject to bullying?

If you were in a position of being deeply criticized, emotionally (and maybe even physically) hurt or humiliated, you have likely been running from those deep feelings ever since.

And this may have been setting off digestive problems, headaches or sleep problems well before your IBS symptoms fully set in.

Trust Issues

The number one sign that you have experienced bullying is that you have trust issues, especially with authority figures.

You probably keep people at a distance, whether this is physically or emotionally.

And yet you yearn for connection and unconditional love.

When dealing with other people, you avoid conflict and will do anything to keep the peace.

You are likely very aware of the moods of people around you, and do your best to act in a pleasing way to avoid another person’s angry outbursts or critical tirades.

IBS and Bullying as an Adult

Have you ever been subjected to bullying in the workplace, or at home by your partner or even one of your children? If you experienced being mistreated as a child, you may not notice the red flags as this has been a familiar theme.

I didn’t register that I was being bullied at my last job. But my body did. It was done in a very covert manner, by sending me to work in an office the other side of the building, and withholding the information I needed to do my job.

No-one deserves to be bullied. And it can be hard to stand up to it, especially as isolating someone is often part of the bully’s strategy.

Know that you are worth better. Walk away if you can.

The Inner bully

As a child you couldn’t fight back effectively, and probably thought that you must have done something wrong to warrant such behaviour from others.

Pleas know that you didn’t.

No-one deserves to be bullied or targeted.

The worst part of repeatedly being bullied is that you have likely unconsciously turned the bullying on yourself.

You may have developed a strong inner critic. And maybe you are are perpetuating this familiar treatment yourself, because you were taught that’s all you deserve. Well it’s not.

To break this cycle you first have to notice it.

You might not realise you are doing this, but telltale signs will be there such as:

• sudden IBS flares (especially of diarrhoea),
• talking down to yourself, or minimising what you do or achieve,
• working too hard and not resting enough,
• never putting your needs first because it feels “selfish”
• walking on eggshells around other people, and people pleasing,
• craving escape and an end to this chaos.

If you notice that any of these are true for you, be kind to yourself. That’s what you need from yourself now the most – unconditional kindness. It’s what you’ve wanted (and deserved) all along.